i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize