i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
