My Higher Power is John Stamos
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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