i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
