apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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