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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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