If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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