My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
