Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
