I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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