Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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