They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
