A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
