I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
