it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
