I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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