Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We left an ass print on the piano.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
