the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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