Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
