she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
