there's paper in my vomit.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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