She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
