1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
