I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
