I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You have to summon your inner elephant
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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