I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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