If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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