When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
