His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
