i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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