Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
