maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
