I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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