ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
