and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
