What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize