When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
