HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
