Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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