This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
