I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
