he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
