I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
