maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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