we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
