I heard we made out
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
