Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
