why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
