Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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