he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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