3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
