Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
