I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
