After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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