One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
