I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
