I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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