JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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