i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize