Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
